Forming Your Band of Brothers Pt 1

A common theme in movies is getting the band back together. Movies are full of men who join together or back together for a cause. These are often popular movies because there is something in men that connects with these movies that have a band of brothers.

A band of brothers is a group of men who you do life with. They are part of your everyday life and know the real you. They accept you for who you are and challenge you when you need it. To form a band of brothers, men have to start doing two things:

  • Get a Heart for a Band

  • Build Connections

  1. Get a Heart for a Band

  • There is a truth that all men ascribe to: You have to want it, or you'll find a way to not do it

  • If you don't see the need for a band of brothersyou won't do the work that is involved

  • A band of brothers not only helps you live life, it keeps you from the ignorant zone

  • The ignorant zone is something every man is capable of.

  • It is where you do self-destructive things because no one calls you on it

  • Think about your life and how much better it would be with a band of friends who do life with you

  1. Build Connections

  • To form a band of brothers, you have to start by building connections

  • You want to form natural connections with other men and let the friendships rise out of that

  • Stephen Mansfield in his book, "Men on Fire" refers to the indirect connections.

  • A 2017 study at the University of Oxford showed that men bond better through face-to-face contact and activities, whereas women find it much easier to hold onto an emotional connection through phone conversations.

  • “What held up [male] friendships was doing stuff together – going to a football match, going to the pub for a drink, playing five-a-side. They had to make the effort. It was a very striking difference between the sexes.”

  • Connection with men comes from activity

  • We have to decide if we want a band of brothers, then be willing to be the conduit for connection

  • Don't expect depth until trust is built

  • Strong connections take time

  • Don't expect a quick connection and be willing to work for it

  • If you have been betrayed before, don't hold that against new people

  • They didn't cause it and they aren't responsible

  • Your isolation will only hurt you

As men, we need a band of brothers. If you don't have one, don't beat yourself up or feel shame, just start now trying to build one up. It doesn't have to be in a weird or complicated wya, but in a very natural way. Let friendships develop over time and activities and see who rises up to be part of your band.

Next week we will cover the second part of Forming your band of brothers.

To learn more about Stephen Mansfield and his book Men on Fire, go to

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