Role Player



Growing up I was known as a big eater……the fat kid!  Food was a source of comfort and being a big eater got me attention, so I learned to act the role.  I was always the one who could eat more and I began to play the role of the big eater.    The problem with that came with the excess weight I carried which added other aspects to my role.  I was the funny guy, the football guy, etc….  I kept playing roles and had a hard time as I got older really knowing who I was without a role to play.

Many men live their whole lives playing a role.  It may be a role that was placed on them when they were young, or one they took up themselves.  The problem for them is they do not really know themselves apart from the role.  Sometimes they will allow serious consequences to happen in their life rather than change their roles.  The question for us as men: Are we Ourselves or are we a Role?

Role Playing

  • As men when we take on a role and lose ourselves to the it, we usually end up hurting ourselves.  We grab hold of whatever role gives us affirmation and we set out to fulfill that part no matter what.  This acting keeps us from really figuring ourselves out outside of the part we are playing.  We only identify with the part and if it starts hurting us, we still hold onto it no matter what.

  • Some guys fill the role of “player” and even though they may be married and have kids, they cannot give that role up.  They can destroy their family, but they will not stop being a player because it is all they know.  Many guys are getting older but still playing the parts assigned to them as kids or teenagers.  This has caused many men to never grow up and mature they way they were designed.

Role Reversal

  • Our identity is not our role.  We may be an athlete, a business person, a mechanic, or a writer, but those are jobs or gifts we use they are not our identity.  Our identity is the real us behind whatever we do.  Unfortunately too many men have only played parts growing up so they do not know their real identity.  That is why many men struggle to relate emotionally.  They cannot relate what they do not know.  How can they explain how they feel if they don’t even know themselves?

  • Our identity should be how we emotionally and relationally connect with people.  Many marriages have issues because both partners are playing roles and do not know how to really relate emotionally to each other.  Then they wonder why they cannot connect.  Their own insecurities keep them from being real with their partner.  We need to reverse these roles and begin the process of learning our true identity and purpose outside of our roles.


One of the best ways to start this process is to do a test to learn yourself.  This doesn’t fix you, but it gives you a place to start.  There are many different test, but one writer that really helps us to understand ourselves is Ian Morgan Cron.

Take some time to start looking past your roles and discover the real you.  Coming soon, I will be releasing a tool to help you with one of the key areas in your life as a man: passion! 

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