Validated: The Quest for Legitimacy as a Man

What makes us a legitimate man?  Where do we get our validation as men?  This struggle affects most men today.  They are looking for validation of who they are as men, however, they are not sure how to find it.  Oftentimes men seek validation from outward things: Achievement, Sports, Dates, Money, etc…   The problem with outward validation is the temporary nature of it.  Men need to find inward validation to truly live their adventure with consistency.


  1. A man who has inward validation owns his legitimacy.  A man who is constantly seeking outward validation gives up his ownership to others.  This is why many professional athletes have a hard time retiring because they have always been validated through their sport.  When we allow things like money or success to validate us, we are giving control to other people or to things instead of having that ownership ourselves.


  1. Inward validation brings a sense of peace to any man who possesses it. Outward validation brings pressure to perform and never allows a man to rest.  Too many men today are having struggles with stress because they are lacking peace.  The reason they are not carrying peace comes out when they give up their legitimacy to outward sources.  When they do not own their validation, they cannot have peace.


  1. Inward validation brings confidence to a man.  Outward validation brings insecurity to a man.  When a man is constantly seeking to feel legitimate from outside sources, he will often change everything and never truly feel secure.  We see this in our society when men get into relationships with women to impress other men.  They date or marry a girl because she is very beautiful and they know the other guys are jealous.  However, this outward focus will keep them in a constant state of insecurity in the relationship and often times jealousy becomes the overriding emotion.  Many men have destroyed their marriage because they lacked the inward confidence of the relationship.


  1. Inner validation comes through character change.  This is the inner quest men have to explore to truly get to know themselves and how they are wired.  They have to learn to walk with an inner-truth that supplies them with the security to face life.  Too many men are afraid to do this or do not know how so they focus on validations that come from outward changes.

Living our adventure should be a majestic trip exploring life and all the complexities of it in our every day lives.  However, for many men, their quest is highjacked by the burning desire for outward validation. This battle for outward validation often leaves a trail of victims in its path and the men often never find the validation they are seeking.

What are some of the ways you see men seeking validation in our society today?


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