What is a Win for Men?



My brother and I were incredibly competitive as children.  We would play Monopoly games for days and always had a pad of paper for when one person went broke.  We just wrote the number down and kept on playing because we knew that in one role the tables could be turned.  We were fanatics about keeping score and knowing who was winning and, most importantly, who was losing.  Men are naturally like that.  We always keep score.  Even boys who are in “no score” sports keep score.  They want to know who really won and who really lost.  Boys and men love keeping score in everything.  

What is a score for us as men?  Living in the everyday of life makes it hard to know if we are winning or not.  We are so busy doing life it can be hard to know if we are winning at life.  We rarely take the time to slow down and really look at our life to see how we are doing.  We must figure out how to keep score for our lives as men.  Too often we are keeping score the wrong way.  Many men keep score with outer wins.  An outer win is a way of keeping score that is based on what we do and what we have as men.  The majority of men keep score this way.  They count their bank account, business success or position as a way of keeping score to know they are winning.  The issue with these outer wins is they seem like a great way to keep score but they end up hurting us in the end. We need to look at some outer win truths.

Outer Wins Seek Ownership

  • When we start judging ourselves by the outer wins, those wins will eventually control our lives.  When men judge their wins by success at work, they will live under a constant pressure to do more at work and try to climb the ladder even if it is destroying their life or the lives of their family.  Outer wins are always seeking to control and own us.  Too often they are the driving force behind men who slam straight into their own destruction.  These men don’t see it happening because they look at the score of their outer win as the most important thing.  They ignore many of the other important areas of their life because they want to keep score with the outer wins alone.  

Outer Wins Never Satisfy

  • When men “win,” they usually have to keep working to keep winning.  They never get a chance to be satisfied or even celebrate their wins.  They buy the really nice car, but then they have to work to pay for it.  The latest gadget is in their hand, but a new gadget will eventually come out.  Men will make large amounts of money, only to want more and more.  Outer wins will always want more and will drive us to never stop.  When we base our life on the outer win, we are doing everything we do to make sure we have a good image for other people.  Living for appearances is not really living at all.  We become caricatures of men and just start acting.  This acting can become a habit and a way of life for us as men.  We play a part and eventually lose ourselves to that part and never realize the truth of who we are as men and what our purpose should be in this life.  

What are some outer wins that you see men using as a way of measuring themselves? Let me know on Facebook or Instagram @davidthemaxwell.


So what is the alternative to outer wins?  It is inner wins.  Next week we will learn how inner wins are the true measure of wins in a man’s life.  


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